Literally Mindedness

On a grave stone “Not Resting but Sleeping.”

Cannot think why, if this was really the case, why they all objected so much to my opening up the tomb to get them out. I mean who wants to sleep in a tomb? – and they had been there since 1892, so surely time to get up and about a bit?

“Glad to be of Service”

Highly unlikely- more likely you are fawning to get a tip.

“Have a Nice day”

Surely that is my prerogative if I do or do not have a nice day?

“Alright?” or “how are you?”

As you don’t really care or want to know why ask? Please, don’t bother. Just get on and ask what you wanted to ask which will probably involve me parting with money/time/both for no discernable benefit to myself.

“Can you help me?”

I don’t know – what do you need? Sorry, general people in distress or need I will help if I can but saying “can you help me?” and waiting for me to say yes or no is very loaded. No makes me feel like a heel and you feel low, even if I am in a hurry, late etc. If I say yes and then you ask the way to somewhere which I invariable do not know it has wasted all our time. Why not say “Can you help me? I need….” Other wise I am trying to guess what you need want and my imagination is over active and I worry it may be that you need a kidney or £10.50 to get Shepton Mallet tonight because your brother’s dog sick or you want just one more person to join your branch of the Holy Saint Bartholomew New Refrom Church to get your own pew cushion. Help me out here.


“Eyes bigger than your stomach”

Making personal remarks about someone’s appearance is meant to put them off eating? And if this was really the case they should eat more as they would be very thin.

“Extreme….”

Usually isn’t extreme.
Extreme makeover is actual remodelling – it is not a makeover and a make over is a makeover. Knocking walls is not a makeover that is rebuilding. And it is not extreme – it is called building a house.
Extreme Sports. Are not sports, as there is little in the way of competition as no one else is stupid enough to carry out the highly dangerous activity.
The exception is of course Extreme housework. Doing the iron in three foot of ragging torrent of water, is an extreme way of getting out of doing it on a regular basis.

“It will just take five minutes”

It will never just take five minutes. Face it will take ten, if not fifteen. And I will get hot, sweaty and probably get some rip/stain on my clothing doing it. It is a lie.

“Can I have a word?”

No, but you can have a brief chat. This is not the Archers, but real life. Try and use real sentences please.

“I was wondering…”

Means it is already booked and done and I will have to do it, but now having done this, you feel guilty about not consulting so you will ask me about it. If you disagree will cause massive argument/stress period. This is a typical boss/girlfriend trick. Agree for you to do something with out you knowing about it.